The Mess

 Its been over two weeks since I've been able to sit and sew.  Well.....the actual act of sewing hasn't taken place yet BUT I did get a lot of prep work done tonight. And I can TOTALLY tell. It's my Happy Place and I haven't been in my own personal happy place for two weeks. 

"But Kasi....I thought your family was your happy place? Didn't you go on and on about wanting to be a mother and now you are? Is that not your happy place?"  Well of course it is!   But everyone needs their own personal THING.  And what I've learned is that people with anxieties or traumas....they need it even more. 

Messes overwhelm me.  In fact (how bizarre is this!) they overwhelm me to a point that I will go full blow out gutting the house top to bottom with everything needing to be in its place and no one gets an ounce of rest until it's done...or..... I sit and stare at it. The mess.  And I'll allow myself to become so overwhelmed by it that I just flat out shut down.  Welcome to my brain.  Ha!   And I have a husband that absolutely gets me.  He can just be in the room with me and already feel my vibe.  He doesn't always get it right but my goodness does he do everything to help me reset. 

There are so many things about the year of COVID that were/are absolutely painful and sad. It wrecked a lot of lives - jobs, divorce, illness, death and the list goes on. I see it every day and I pray for it as often as I can. But I must admit the year of COVID also brought great things for me.  It taught me to slow down.  It taught me to clear my schedule.  It taught me how to drown out the noise of the world even if for just a quick moment. For so many years I allowed myself to absorb all of "the world" that I would bring that into my home. And then with all of that pinned up energy (and not the good kind) I would push it onto my family and why?  Because I didn't have a place to escape.  A place to reset.  A place to "be still" and lose myself for a moment.  My Gramz is an amazing artist, jewelry designer and crafter. So many times I would see her pick up an item at Hobby Lobby or other stores and I would wonder to myself "Woman what in the world are you going to do with that??"  And that item turned into many many more items. But I so totally get that amazing woman now.  I get it.  It's her happy place.  What was a mess to some was a world of possibilities and things to make. 

And that my friends is what sewing is for me. The talent (I use that term loosely for now) I never knew I had.  The one thing I always needed.  My place to escape. My place to create. My place to not think of anything other than what Kasi wants to think about. My Happy Place.  My Mess.  And tonight I did just that.  After a Monday of working then hanging with my kiddo practicing her numbers the house became calm and I decided this is exactly what I needed to do.  I needed a reset.  I'm working on baby gowns. I can't wait to post them once they're finished so you can see the finished product. Today I encourage you....if you don't have a hobby you can escape to for your own personal mental health I highly recommend it.  For years I accepted the fact that my only calling was full time caregiver, full time wife and full time employee.  These are very important titles and I am forever grateful that I have them.  But what a breath of fresh air it is for me to have my own personal happy place.....

Stay tuned for the finished products. I can't wait to show you!!  

Kasi